New Wrinkle

           

A recent new wrinkle to this aging body is called COPD (Chronic Obstrucive Pulmonary Disease--so now you know.) The damage to my lungs from smoking and breathing other destructive chemicals, has resulted in application of a daily inhalant, and breathing exercises to help my damaged lungs.

It was also suggested by my pulmonologist that I submit to a sleep test when I told him I was having severe attacks of shortness of breath. The latest wrinkle was the sleep apnea diagnosis resulting from the test. I now am the proud owner of a  CPAP which is what they call this contraption involving aplastic mask hooked up to a machine at night with a long plastic tube to encourage better breathing while I sleep.

According to the lung doctor this should help the shortness of breath I experience on a daily basis.  I have my own ideas about why this is happening based on 82 years of breathing the air on this old earth, but I’ll save that for later.

My current routine is centered on this abominable mask and all of it’s many parts and accessories, not to mention keeping a supply of vinegar on hand for cleaning and the gallons of distilled water that goes into the tank. (Keeps my mouth from going too dry when I snore).

Oh, the pulmonologist asked me if I snored before I went in for the test. This determines what model of mask I should wear when I sleep at night.  I didn’t know all this before the test, but I told him I didn’t know if I snored or not because for several years I have been sleeping alone and since I am asleep I can’t hear if I snore or not. He didn’t laugh.

It has been about a month since the installation of all the paraphernalia connected to the CPAP. The nightly application has been the most frustrating aspect of this routine and by the time I have finished adjusting and tugging to make the air leaks go away, I’m no longer sleepy.  I can’t watch TV because I can’t wear my glasses with the mask and taking off the mask would mean I have to go through the aforementioned adjustments and tugs all over again.

About 3 a.m. I have had maybe two hours sleep and am awakened by bats flying at my bedroom window, trying to get in. I quickly realize it’s only a dream and the mask is leaking again so I tug it back into place and drop off to sleep.  I am again awakened this time by Charlie’s snoring and as I sit up in bed and turn on the lamp light I realize it’s the mask again. Charlie’s next door and I couldn’t possibly hear him snore from my bedroom. (So who was snoring? Me? Don’t know…)

Repeated interruptions in my sleep for the past couple of weeks have included dogs barking, sirens screeching and thunder claps. Oh, wait-- the sirens were real—we’re in Port Orchard—and the thunder has been occurring for the past few nights.

So then after a sleep that has been interrupted by all manner of mayhem it’s time to get up, wash the mask and tubing with mild hand soap and hang it to dry but not in the small bathroom because the toilet is too close.

Now I’m ready for coffee but it has to be de-caffeinated. I have been taking an hour nap every morning after a cup of de-caff and then sleep for two hours after lunch each day.

If I live through all these new wrinkles in my life I need to have a serious talk with my pulmonologist. I’m out of breath from multi-tasking all night.